Should I stay friends with my ex?

'There’s no such thing as a painless separation or indeed an “amicable” one': Mariella Frostrup advises a man in distress. Photograph: Getty

The dilemma My wife left me just over six months ago. For many reasons – not least the fact she left me for someone else – the split was messy and hard and nasty. After several unpleasant encounters and back-and-forths, we stopped all contact a couple of months back. Last week, however, I got an email from her somewhat ambiguously asking if we could stay friends (the message was oddly worded, and really seemed to be her offering me a chance to be her friend, rather than her saying she wanted my friendship). I don't know what to do. Despite the horror of the break-up, I can't imagine a life without this person who I loved so much in it, yet I fear that seeing her, and trying to establish a "friendship", would open all the wounds again.

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